SHOW NOTES: HOW TO STOP BINGING AND PURGING
In this episode of Habits for Humans with Kim Flynn, we discuss how Elise Webb overcame anorexia and a binge eating disorder after ten years of struggle with one impactful insight: you are not your thoughts. In this podcast Elise walks us through her journey of recovery, and explains how to practice “compassionate discipline” and how to manage difficult emotions without numbing through food.
Welcome to Habits for Humans, the show that explores how to program your brain to maximize your potential. The goal of this podcast is to teach you how to instill systems and habits to live a healthy, sustainable, deeply satisfying way of life.
LISTEN / SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST
Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/show/habits-for-humans
Google: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8xODUzMTE5LnJzcw?sa=X&ved=0CAMQ4aUDahcKEwjgg_zbwsXzAhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQNQ
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3wdU3gjrkvdAXEbYMY3Z7Q
I heart radio: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-habits-for-humans-87797161/
OUR GUEST: Elise Webb
Social Media: https://www.facebook.com/elise.webb2
https://www.facebook.com/itransformyou
What is your product/service or company you would like to promote?:
Freedom health coaching
https://www.facebook.com/elise.webb2
To do individual coaching sessions, message Elise through this Facebook link.
SPONSORED BY CARD SALAD
✩ Eat Well Meal Planning System: http://cardsalad.com/eatwell
✩ Website – https://www.cardsalad.com
✩ Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/cardsalad
✩ Twitter – https://twitter.com/cardsalad
✩ Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/cardsalad
✩ Youtube – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn90eaUTY01qbQDe3GjRoSA
OUR HOST
Kim Flynn is a best-selling author, podcaster, and serial entrepreneur who has built multiple businesses to 7 and 8 figures. She is the CEO of Card Salad, a health and wellness company that provides organizational products to live a healthy, sustainable, deeply satisfying way of life. Kim is a frequent guest expert in systems and habits on podcasts, television and radio shows.
Do you have expertise and a unique solution to a specific health and wellness problem? If you would like to be a guest on the show, apply here: https://habitsforhumans.com/contact/
TRANSCRIPT: HOW TO STOP BINGING AND PURGING
Hi, and welcome to habits for humans. The podcast that explores what makes people tick and how to program this brain of ours to do what we want it to do. I’m your host, Kim Flynn. And today we’re going to talk to a lease web, someone that I have known for a very long time. She’s actually my cousin, which is the coolest.
I’ve never had a cousin on here before. So. Super excited to talk to Elise. Um, today we’re going to talk about how to stop binging and purging and. Um, overcoming eating disorders. So, uh, Elise is going to be very brave and very courageous and tell her whole story. And I want to hear from Elise, not just like, um, I don’t know, reveling in the story of trauma. That’s not what we’re looking for. We’re looking for. How do you recognize the signs in yourself and your loved ones? How do you pull out of it?
Um, what do you do? What are the actionable steps of how to stop binging and purging? What are those habits that we can do? Uh, to pull ourselves out when we start to get into. Uh, negative thought patterns like that, and negative thought patterns of course, lead to negative behavior patterns. That don’t make you very happy. So we have a giveaway. Actually. We have two giveaways for our listeners at the end. So if you like free stuff, stay tuned to the end. And first of all, a word from our sponsor habits for humans is brought to you by card salad, a health and wellness company that teaches you how to program your brain using systems and habits.
So a card salad, our flagship product is called eat well. So you know how you have the best intentions to eat healthy, but you don’t plan meal plan because it’s such a pain in the rear seriously meal planning takes like what an hour or two a week to do. And then you have to go shopping and it. And so what ends up happening is it’s so much easier just to reach for the dyno nuggets in the freezer. Right. And then we feed our families and ourselves.
Pretty junky food. So instead of that, what we did is created a product called eat well, it’s a done for you meal planning system. So you hang the menu board on your fridge, you get recipes delivered to you and you just pop them on the fridge with corresponding shopping lists. I recommend you use like a shopping delivery service, and then it’s kind of like blue apron or hello, fresh, but 10 times cheaper.
So your meal plans are always delivered to you. You always know what’s for dinner and, uh, I love. Uh, cooking with my kids my 15 year old night cook, uh, almost every single night together. So that’s been really cool. So check out card salad. Uh, that’s again, our sponsor. And I’m going to give you at the end, a free a week of meal planning. So stay tuned for that.
All right. So I’m super excited to welcome our guests today. So Elise web is not only my cousin, but she is a certified health and intuitive eating coach who helps others heal their relationships with food. And she knows that relationship well, because she’s been through it. She is passionate about helping people create change from a place of deserving help. That’s a beautiful phrase, a place of deserving help. Not that it’s this, uh,
Big demon. That’s like, you know, over your shoulder, you must be healthy. You must take care of yourself. What if we could come at it from a place of deserving help? The opposite of the diet culture message of needing to change, because you are not enough as you are Elise. If you wrote that you are a beautiful writer, um, that is really well said.
We always start with your number one habit to manage your own mental wellness and, uh, Elise jump right in here and talk to us about what is the practice you do to manage the stress of daily life. Okay. So without.
Number one most important habit is that. I make sure that I stay separate from my thoughts and, and stay steady. And my emotions. So I. I am the observer. So. And not afraid to feel. That’s something that’s very, very important when you’re wanting to create change. Um, meaning that I’m not as afraid to feel anger and not afraid to feel sadness.
I’m not afraid to sit and feel as a way to how to stop binging and purging. And then I also recognize that any emotion that is being created. Um, is coming from dots.
And so I, I do a lot of practicing that because a lot of my disordered eating was me attaching to. Um, my thoughts and emotion and I have it. And deeply, and then my behavior. What happened?
I do all of those things. And so, yeah, my daily practices definitely. Um, observing my thoughts. Okay, so real question for you. Um, because everyone is heard, we need to observe our thoughts. Um, and we’ll, we’ll get into eating disorders in just a second. I know that’s the main point, but it’s all related, right?
Okay. So last night, this is my life Elise. My son is in Mexico, traveling alone. I haven’t heard from him in four days. I’m watching the show late at night called into the wild where those boy goes off into the woods and dies. And so of course, as a mom, I haven’t heard my son in four days. I’m freaking out. I wake my husband up. I’m like, I’m worried about Jason. I called Jason twice at two in the morning. He doesn’t pick up. I’ve even more worried. I’m checking his social media. I’m like in full on panic at this point, at least.
Um, and in my thoughts, I’m like, okay, I know I’m freaking out. And that’s where it stops. It’s like, uh, how do I get, how to. How do I go from like, yeah, yes. I can recognize those are my thoughts that I’m freaking out. By the way he’s fine. He called me this morning and he’s like, mom. Chill chill out, but H how D how would you walk yourself through that, um, with that beautiful Zen Buddhist mind that you’ve been able to acquire? I’m not there yet. Apparently.
So I think. Um, I really like to think of it like this. So I am the blue sky. There’s nothing can change the fact that I am. The blue sky, right. But. Emotions will come in and weather comes in and life happens and that is free, right? Like rainy days. And there is Lakey. So when we forget that we had that blue sky, that at some point, whether we’ll calm, like life flows through us.
We’ll call them. And things will be. Elk because we are. I nature is the loose guy. And when I remember that it makes the web. More variable. It doesn’t mean that it’s not there. So it doesn’t mean that the fear just done and the champ. Like those things are happening outside of us and life is happening.
But I think it gives me peace in that. I can come back to somewhere in any eternal leaf that is peaceful. Always. If I remember that. I am at my core. Does that make sense? It completely does. It makes sense logically, but when you’re in that like mental freakout moment, what is the actual thought that you’re giving yourself? Is it.
Just sit here and feel it is it. You’re giving yourself words of comfort. Like, what are you, what do you do? Yeah. Yeah, I think because I, because. Um, oh, in life we have, I think, over and over. I experienced a really hard things and it’s always came through. And there’s this part of me that knows.
And it can come through. And knows, like, you know, I’ve been through. And I’ve lost my brother. I’ve been to really hard things. Overcame eating disorders and learning how to stop binging and purging like, and we all have our own. Different things that we felt were Kane. And something about that gives me this confidence that I can sit with hard emotions and I don’t need to eat. I.
I don’t need to drink alcohol. I don’t need to go. Do these things outside of the myself, freak out, you don’t need to call your son and call you. And wake everyone up. Yeah. We innocently do these beings, you know, and we, because we grasped outside thinking the nones going to bring this center, but.
I think with practice over time, I’ve just been able to really learn how to stop binging and purging. Build this confidence in myself that I can. Um, I can cope. I can deal with hard things and life will continue. Like keep we’ll, keep bringing us. The things. And I think if we just expect that and sit with those hard feelings instead of using.
Things outside of us to quote, and we will be able to that’s really. For me. How I’ve overcame aging disorders and how to stop binging and purging or addictions or anything like that. I think that’s key, expect hard feelings is what you said. And then you said whenever you’re grasping outside to help bring the center, that’s when you know, that’s when you know.
Okay. I could have used this last night, at least. Where were you? I’m just getting. All right. So. Let’s. Yes. Let’s jump into your story then. Um, will you take us into when you first knew you had an eating disorder, what were the first signs? And just take us through your journey. Yeah. So I’m really quickly just to touch on it.
When I was young, I just it’s important to know that I was so resilient and self-loving like, I don’t know if everyone was born that way, but I was something that I was blessed with. And at a young age, I just, I remember. And kind of teased in a little bit in elementary. And it just didn’t phase me. It just didn’t penetrate. Cause I just had this worst fit. I understood.
And at some weight, I lost it. And I started believing the lies that we are told. And I think all men and women are told lies, but women have really told a lot of. A lot of lives that are worth comes through my body. Um, for me, I think I earned blood the last. I got a lot of attention fighting. Cute.
And designs and, oh, you’re so pretty. And I, at some point I’m like, oh, that’s why I’m lovable. That’s why on an app? And as I lose that. What am I and how do I get less? And so at some point I created a lot of fear. And. Um, I started believing that I wasn’t. That I needed it to change. And then I wouldn’t be lovable.
If I wasn’t beautiful. And if I wasn’t thin and, and it was never enough and I started. Um, I started very slowly. I’d started having, um, first anorexia. So, and as. It was kind of a cycle because I started, I stopped eating. And as I started eating people started giving me more. right. And I’m feeding honest validation. So outside of me,
And as I’m getting validated and also creating more and more fear because it can go away. Oh, no, I can gain weight. Oh, no, like, and where will I get this love and validation that I’m so desperately needing. And that I’m not getting myself anymore. Um, And so that’s where kind of anorexia again and how to stop binging and purging. And I quickly.
If they started college, I started. More with anorexia and binge eating disorder. And that was very awful and I struggled. Oh, go ahead. Will you explain what binge eating disorder is? Yes. So. And first of all, emotional eating and binge eating disorder are different. That’s just something I want to clarify it.
Binge eating disorder is a lot more of. Um, if she has like you’re hijacked. So I would say it’s kind of the animalistic part of your brain taking over. And I would eat. To compulsion and I felt like a blackout feeling. How to stop binging and purging? Um, I would eat my roommates through. I would, you know, so I was starting myself for so long and it was like, my survival brain would take over.
And I would just eat any, any until I was sick. And I would almost have a conduct feeling of shame so much shame. And then, uh, let’s start. I need to exercise. I need to start, you know, I. I need serious laxatives or throw up or do all these things to. To punish myself for my behavior. So, um, and you can go sort is very discouraging. It was.
I just burning for me because I felt so out of control because I was not present at all. So I’m like, how do I change something when I am not there? And I’m doing this compulsive behavior. So that’s what I that’s how binge eating disorder. okay. So let’s go back into your story and again, thank you so much for sharing. So here you are in college, binge eating. Wanting to know how to stop binging and purging.
Um, how long did it last? What was your breaking point? What was the point where your, where you were able to find help? Yeah. So I tried a lot. I have read and read and I was determined. I know people. I know at some point I ate normal and I had a healthy relationship with food. I know people know how to eat and they can eat normally as so determined.
And so, so therapy and reading a lot of books. Um, The most helpful thing was at that time was okay. You need to control triggers. And so I went into this crazy thinking of like, Okay. What are my triggers? What do I do before? Right. So, um, that was so many different things that I’m like, this is crazy. Whether it’s Christmas or I’m sad or unhappy, it’s creating something. How do you create, how do you stop life? How do you stop waste from happening? Basically, this was my goal and I can stop any emotion. The media will be able to have any control over it.
Myself. Maybe not the smartest of solutions. If I can stop all emotion. I become a drug addict, then I can. Yeah. I can’t deal. And that was my underlying beliefs. Like I can’t. I mean the, the biggest part has been identified. Right. So I was wondering, I am. Here. And I’m out of control. I had so many stories. Like I wasn’t the driver of myself anymore.
And it’s because. I mean, we can get into this, but deeply I needed to separate from the urges, which were thoughts, right? The compulsion is the thinking and stay present. And make choices from that place. How did you.
How did you have that realization and how long did you try all, all of the things and what are some of the things that you tried. Okay. So this one on 4, 8, 8, 9, 8 years. And I would say towards the end, it was turning into more, just emotional, eating, less binge-eating and we started. I started on having less shame because shame was kind of defending the benching a lot more.
And then it started becoming more, just emotional eating, but just a horrible relationship. And constant energy put into it. Dieting emotionally, just this constant cycle. And yeah, it went on for about eight to 10 years. And what happened for me is I actually read a book called brain over binge and. got some ideas on how to stop binging and purging.
It wasn’t necessarily like let’s look. That created the insight. As much as whatever I learned about the brain or however, the girl recovered in there. I, I resonated with so deeply and I understood. Uh, in moment that I was separated. And a moment I watched my. So it was like, I sound my brain thinking like you’re a binge eater.
Disgusting. You’re never going to get. I handled it. Like I deserved it. And I’ve realized my power. Meaning. It was like yappy backseat driver. And I, I had a steering wheel. It was this. Oh, I don’t have to do it. Because I feel like I have to do it. I don’t have to start with myself. I don’t have to do all these things because I don’t feel good or because of my thoughts and my thinking.
And in that moment. I would say I had kind of an insight they cover. And. And I didn’t binge after that, I didn’t have clean clothes. Benching after that. And since then, Yeah, I’m really passionate to help. People that, that struggle with any form of addiction, because I think they’re all the same.
When you used to see as different things. I actually agree with that strongly. Um, so interesting. A couple of points. I want to point out here that you made. Um, it’s not the book that made the difference for you. There was nothing magical about that book on how to stop binging and purging. It was, um, not learning about the brain. It was not learning about that. It was the, you resonated with her. It’s almost like, and correct me if I’m wrong, it’s almost like you needed, um, you needed to hear it from a person that you resonated with, right? Like people are the impact in each other’s lives.
It’s not the research. That’s going to change things around for us. It’s connecting with people, whether it’s through a book, whether it’s through a podcast, whether it’s through, you know, lunch it’s people where we hear other people’s stories and say, yes, I can see me there. Is that true for you?
Yes. And also, I deeply believe that when we hear something true.
I think when we’re connected to that. That your nature within, uh, within us. The other person hears that. And, and I, I don’t know how to explain that, that it’s like I’ve had so many experiences when I’m working one on one with a woman. With someone. And because I have deeply, like, I, I understand my true nature and I understand when I’m in that connected place.
That part of me. That the part of them that has also. That strong, resilient part of them. Here’s the pierces. And I think that is where we create change from that’s where change. So that’s what I think you’re connecting with. With a human or with someone in that way. It helps the resident create a change within ourselves because when we change ourselves,
Yeah. Nothing outside of us can really create that deep change. But I do think that, um, we can hold me as that source. For each other, right. I love. I love. Trying to create a new year. Like you are enough. You are beautiful. Um, You are. Validation and all, everything that you need done inside. And I think if I can.
I knew that to someone and because it’s so true. They might be able to see it. You know, So beautiful. Thanks. Thanks for sharing. Um, another, another thing that you mentioned that I wanted to go back to also is, um, you called it an insight recovery where it was almost instant, like, oh, I couldn’t see before and now I see. So I read all the meditation books and.
Um, a lot of people don’t have that experience and some people, some lucky people do where you just are. Like, I see it and I can never go back. Um, will you talk to us more about that moment? Yeah. Yeah. So, um, I have to say too that I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to have that insight. I think that it’s beautiful. How we all just have.
I’ve talked to so many people that have had that insight. We’ve kind of writing there and sure. Identity, I would say every time putting themselves. Um, And reconnecting with who they really are, but I think that it happens so differently and it also is a practice. So we, and I that’s, what’s so beautiful as I stay. Do I stay in this place of constant?
And connected to my true nature. No, not at all. It’s a practice, right. So I know when I’m getting lost, because I don’t feel good or unlock. Um, oh, in this place of like, I don’t feel connected to myself and then I track this kind of coming back. Um, So, but yeah. W for that for me, I, I was so lucky to have it as such a huge operation.
Um, I think, because I don’t know why that I had just my entire life for 10 years or more. Right. I was just consumed with me and my body and my. I think I was so tired. I was so tired. And I had done so much work in the wrong directions. Um, let’s talk about that for a second. What work did you do in the wrong directions?
Yeah. So, I mean, We’re a vis dual, I would say like if, say there’s an ice been for trying to create change. Right. And there’s a big iceberg. We can take a hammer and chisel on it. You know, like, and that’s what I was doing for years. Like, I was hammering. It was like, okay, how do I do this? How do I, how do I do a different diet? How to stop binging and purging? How do I try this way of eating? And then I’ll create a change. Right?
We’re instead, if we turn up the temperature in the water, you know, Effortlessly. The change happens in. It melts away. And that. Sorry. What was your question again? Your your golden. I love your analogy here. Um, the question I’d have for you is how do you turn up the water? I always want to step, give me three steps to.
So I would say turning up the water.
For me came with.
I mean, if I can give you steps, I would say that I use. I use compassionate discipline with myself. And I use honestly, sitting.
Sitting with emotion, the. Without acting. Um, I mean, these are kind of steps that really created change. The very first vital thing was the actual thing that turned the temperature up is realizing, taking my power back. Um, In the thought of recognizing that something can gap at you all day, right? Like, like I like to envision it like an armless legless lizard or.
You know,
nauseous or desire. You know, like you should eat. Tell us cookies. You. You know, you do, you should go. And gee, you should. There’s usually. Yeah, that you want the day. You should call your son at two in the morning. Where are you?
All of it on the chatter or the yappy it’s loud. And, but I think if we recognize that it can’t take us to the fridge or teach us how to stop binging and purging. And the ice cream, you know what I mean? It can’t. We stay. In that place. And we stay in our power and we stay, then we’re able to still make choices. Not that we can control life. In fact, we can’t control life at all. We have to let life continue to rent through us, but.
We understand that we have. Control of ourselves when it comes to how to stop binging and purging. That makes sense. Okay. Last two questions for you. You mentioned two steps, and as soon as I get like, Ooh, steps that now, now. Just grab onto those. Um, so you talked about compassionate discipline. Will you talk to me about what you say to yourself?
Like, what are your exact words when you are in that compassionate discipline place? Oh, I love that. So, I like to choose. The discipline to me means. Choosing what you want most. Over hope what you want now. Right. And that I honestly think discipline is selfless. But we, don’t not a discipline in, no, you don’t get to do that. Or.
It’s, it’s a very loving, I love myself. And so. I’m going to choose what I want most. Or what I want now. And I make to go as bad as over and over. I say to myself, what do I want most. And even if you know, the inner child, part of me is like uni cookies. You need this, you, you know what I mean? You don’t want, like I steal from.
From the more grown-up pardon me? I compassionately say, I hear you. You know, I hear that. That’s what you want. I don’t blame you for wanting that or, right. So you validate, you hear, you listen to the part of you that once the, the lesser being or the. The worst choice, maybe. And then I may get.
I make the choice that is better for me. I compassionate, disciplined. I love that. And what a unique definition of discipline? Will you say that for us? One more time. Uh, your definition of discipline. Yeah. So choosing what you want most over what you want now. I love it. And you just say that to yourself. Whenever those thoughts start whenever the legless lizard starts to yeah.
We’re learning all the all kinds of things about you. All right. And then talk to us about sitting with emotions. Um, sometimes people don’t realize, and I didn’t for many years. That feeling emotions is actually not thinking emotions. Um, so for many years I was like, okay, I’m going to sit with this emotion. And I would just let the drama play out in my head, which is not sitting with the emotion. That’s just letting the drama play out. That’s listening to the voices. What do you do to actually sit with emotions?
Yeah. So sometimes when I’m working with, um, With April. I usually have them start recognizing how the emotion feels. So, for example, anxiety, my anxiety, everyone’s different. My anxiety. I was like electricity on water. It’s like a zapping feeling like. I’m just constantly. Right. And so I like people to start recognizing how anger shows up in their body.
Without judgment. I came from a culture actually that tells me that they told me that anger was fast. So I suppressed a lot of anger and a lot of, um, Negative emotion. Wasn’t really good. I was righteous. I was happy. You know, And so anyways, It was hard for me to sit with negative emotion. So I would go eat. Right. And so I like to first say, okay, how does the emotion.
I feel because usually all it needs to do to be to in order to pass through us, like the winter to pass through us. It needs to be felt. And sat with and her. You know, so what is it saying to me? And then how is that feeling in my body? And, and I like to do it at practice, sometimes a meditation or just something where you just sit and you really feel.
And it’s not necessarily comfortable, but I think. It’s more comfortable than running away from it because it’s always there. It’s underlying, it’s always there. It’s like, I remember there was a time when I was deeply, I needed to feel sadness and I was, I was sad, but I just kept running, you know, or working out or doing these things to avoid it.
And when I finally am, like I’m running from myself, I recognized it. And I sat and I cried and I felt it. And I heard thoughts that I was. You know, the things I was needing to feed and then it just lifted. So. And that’s kind of how I practice it and how I start. I like people to start naming their emotion, meaning like, how does it feel in their body?
Nice. I like that too. Um, for me, anxiety feels like a spiky black ball, usually in my stomach, like, whoa. That’s what it feels like. Yeah. And it’s so interesting when you’re sitting there trying to just feel it and just focus on the feeling. For me, it, my brain constantly wants to take over my brain constantly wants to like logic. This is something that can teach you how to stop binging and purging.
It and control it and do worst case scenarios so that I can control it. And it’s not about any of those things. Those things are taking the hammer to your eye, your big mound of ice, right? And, and the turning the water up is sitting there and just feeling it. So. Elise. That was really powerful, really powerful.
As we brought things up. A reminder that the goal of this podcast is to program your brain, to start instilling systems and habits into your life. And what a beautiful habit. Uh, when we, when we feel the panic, when we feel the anxiety, when we feel the depression. When you feel though, anger, whatever those feelings are.
Um, instead of trying to think our way through those or eat our way through those or work our way through those or exercise our way through those or drink whatever you’re a coping mechanism of choices or numb out on your phone, whatever it is. Um, it’s a, it’s about instilling habits instead. And one of those beautiful habits that at least mentioned is compassionate. Discipline.
Choosing what you want over what you want now. And sitting with that emotion. Thank you, Elise. That was beautiful. Um, Elise, I know you have a promotion here. Will you talk about your freedom, health coaching?
Yeah. So, um, I do, I do. One-on-one. How’s coaching. Mostly write down. Um, usually I’ve done it overseas or I just work one-on-one. Perfect. Mostly learning and healing. I suppose for you to have her and. And my conversion. I have some free videos there. I have a Facebook page conscience or my buddy. So.
I actually will be adding a lot of videos to that probably soon. And there’s just video content that can kind of start helping you reconnect with your true nature and to start really creating change from a different place. Perfect. And check out that in the show notes, I’ll be linked to that in the show notes, whatever platform you’re watching or listening to this audio, you can find that link there.
We also have a giveaway from our sponsor card salad. Go to habits for humans.com. And sign up for a free seven day eat real foods challenge. So it’s seven days of recipes. A done for you shopping list. All your meal planning is done for you in a week. Um, so you don’t have to eat dyno nuggets anymore.
And I know that from experience. Uh, thanks for joining us. Thanks for joining us Elise, and thanks to our listeners. This is habits for humans, the podcast that teaches you how to program your brain to maximize your potential. And thank you in advance for giving us a positive review. Thanks everyone.
Thank you.